understand the emotions of others

 

How can we understand the emotions of others, and do we truly know what they need from us?

The human psyche is an extremely complex system of emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Throughout history, people from various cultures and educational backgrounds have strived to understand others and analyze what they feel, due to the positive impact this has on building human relationships and strengthening the bonds of friendship and unity. So, what does understanding others mean? And how can you, as a non-psychology expert, understand what others are going through and what they are feeling?

Imagine the following scenario: You and all your coworkers are invited to a dinner party, except for one person. How do you think this person would feel upon discovering they were not invited?

• Anger
• Sadness
• Pain
• Exclusion
• Confusion
• Tension
• Embarrassment
• Indifference

You likely arrived at your answer by putting yourself in their shoes and imagining what you would feel if you were the one not invited. Most people would likely choose the first five options, as they are the most logical in such a situation.

The ability to guess what others are feeling is part of what is known as emotional intelligence, or EQ. This is a skill that some people excel in, while others lack it, but like any other skill, it can be developed and acquired through practice.

No one denies the importance of understanding others and grasping what they are feeling. When you understand what others might feel about a specific situation or event, you become more capable of guiding your behavior and actions to interact with them in a way that avoids hurting them.

Let’s go back to the dinner party scenario, and suppose this person who wasn’t invited asks you, “Are you going to the dinner party?”

Your response might be one of the following:

1. Yes, I will go. What about you?
2. Yes, I’m going. I feel bad telling you this, but were you really not invited?
3. Yes, everyone is going!
4. Yes, definitely. It will be a special party!
5. Yes, I’m sorry you weren’t invited, but I don’t think it was intentional. Maybe the organizer forgot to send you the invitation.

Your knowledge of whether this person was invited or not will certainly influence your response. If you didn’t know they were not invited, you would likely answer with option 1, 3, or 4. However, if you were aware they weren’t invited, your response would probably be 2 or 5.

The Other's Emotions and Body Language

Body language plays a significant role in understanding information about someone in a particular situation, even if that person doesn’t say anything. Once again, understanding the body language of the person in front of you directly influences your reactions. Reading the signals others send is a fundamental element of emotional intelligence.

Let’s revisit the dinner party scenario. Suppose this person who wasn’t invited approaches you, their facial expression showing displeasure, and asks, "Are you going to the dinner party?"

By looking at their facial expression, you would instantly realize that this person knows they were not invited. As a result, you would choose your words carefully and likely respond with option 2 or 5.

On the other hand, if they approach you with a smile on their face, you would know immediately that they are unaware they weren’t invited, and they are still expecting an invitation. Here, you might find yourself torn between telling them the truth or staying silent. You know that they are responsible for managing their own emotions and reacting in a certain way once they learn the truth. However, if you have a high level of emotional intelligence, you also understand that your response can have a profound impact. It might either support them or worsen their situation, so you choose your words carefully based on your understanding.

Interpreting Reactions

Understanding others' emotions helps us predict their reactions to certain situations. But the process works both ways; interpreting various reactions helps us understand emotions and anticipate the reasons behind them. The higher your emotional intelligence, the better your ability to interpret and understand reactions, thus interacting with others in a better way.

Here’s an example: You see a colleague in the morning full of energy, with happiness visible on their face. However, by the end of the day, their mood has drastically changed, and they are visibly upset, almost on the verge of tears. Which of these possibilities do you think is the most likely explanation for their change in mood?

1. They had a fight with one of their friends, and they are not talking right now.
2. They got a promotion at work.
3. They were laid off from work.
4. The manager assigned them many tasks and responsibilities.
5. They are simply having a bad day.

It’s obvious that option 2 is immediately ruled out because emotional intelligence tells you that it’s impossible for someone to feel upset after receiving a promotion. Options 4 and 5 also don’t seem logical. If they were true, the person would likely show signs of exhaustion and fatigue rather than frustration and tears!

That leaves us with options 1 and 3, which are the most plausible explanations in this scenario.

Those who understand others can imagine their emotions and reactions to a situation. They are also able to link situations with the reasons behind others' behaviors, which enables them to build better relationships.

How to Develop the Skill of Understanding Others

It is not easy to predict or understand the emotions of others. Some people are naturally skilled at this, and they seem to know exactly what others feel without a word being spoken, while others don't even consider what the person in front of them might be experiencing.

If you are part of the first group, congratulations! But if you feel that you're not able to understand others, don’t worry, you can sharpen and improve this skill through continuous practice and training by following any of the methods below:

1. Start by closely observing the behavior of others

If you ever see someone trip and fall, without thinking, you will likely express pain, like saying “Ouch!” as if it had happened to you. We have an innate tendency to empathize with others by simply watching them. Scientists believe this phenomenon is biological. They confirm that there are brain cells called "mirror neurons," which produce similar responses whether we are watching something happen or doing it ourselves.

If you want to better understand others, try to observe their behavior closely by enhancing your observational skills. How can you do that?

Here’s what you can try:

• Pay attention to people’s expressions and body language.

Try this next time you’re at a shopping center, café, or any place filled with people. Look at everyone and try to guess what they’re feeling based on their facial expressions, body language, or what they are doing. For instance, the girl holding a book or notebook might be studying for an exam. Does she look anxious? Or confident? What about the guy who closes his eyes? Is he relaxed, tired, or frustrated?

With continuous practice, you’ll become better at noticing changes in body language and facial expressions, helping you better understand the emotions of others.

By reading books that describe people’s emotions in detail, and by watching movies while paying attention to how characters express emotions, you'll develop a distinctive skill for understanding others. When watching movies, try to understand why a character feels a certain way and predict what they will do next. Or try to explain why a character acted in a particular way.

2. Be a good listener

Understanding others and their emotions is often tied to how well we listen to them. The better you listen to someone, the more you will feel connected to them and understand how they feel.

Most of us consider ourselves good listeners because listening seems simple, but we forget that most of the time we are preoccupied with thinking of an appropriate response, not truly listening.

So, how can you become a better listener?

Here’s what you can do:

• Practice listening during daily conversations.

Listen to the daily conversations happening around you, focusing your attention and thought on listening rather than thinking about what you’ll respond with.

• Don’t just focus on the story; think about the emotions.

When a friend shares a story with you, try to imagine what they were feeling in that moment. Use phrases that show you’re interested and trying to understand their experience, like: "Wow, that sounds amazing!" or "That must have been so frustrating."

• Listen to a significant story from someone close to you.

Talk to a friend or family member and let them tell you a special story. Ask them to share their feelings during that moment and why they felt a certain way.

Once you develop the necessary skills to understand others better, you need to apply them in real life. But how?

Simply put, turn your understanding of others into empathy. Use your understanding of their feelings to support and assist them. You can be more empathetic by doing the following:

1. Ask others what they need.

If a friend or loved one is going through a tough time, ask what you can do to help. If they say they don’t know, think about what you’d want if you were in their shoes and offer something similar.

2. Show genuine concern for others.

Make sure you show real interest in the people around you. Be curious about the people close to you, not in a nosy or intrusive way, but in a manner that shows you want to understand them better.

3. Be kind and considerate.

Always adhere to good manners and avoid anything that might hurt someone’s feelings. For example, if you hear a rumor or someone is mocking someone else, train yourself to first imagine what it would be like if you were in that person’s place. This way, you’ll understand their emotions and avoid getting involved in such discussions.

Never underestimate the importance of small acts. Even something as simple as greeting someone sitting alone at a café can help build strong social connections. A simple word of thanks to a street cleaner can boost their morale